Holy trinity episcopal academy
 

Fostering Independence in the Junior High Years

By Kathy Peters, Head of Junior High
“Mom, I forgot my science homework. Can you bring it to me?”
“Dad I left my lunch at home. Will you drop it off before 11:30 a.m., please?”
“I don't know what the homework is for English.”
“I can’t find my soccer uniform.”
“My friend won't talk to me.”
 
If you are the parent of a junior high student, it is almost guaranteed that you have heard one of the above phrases in the past month. As teachers and parents, our first instinct and natural tendency is to run to the rescue. Not so fast, please!
 
If our long term goal is to foster independence, we need to begin doing so in these small every day dilemmas. We have to push back our own fears about being a “bad parent,” and focus on the long game, and our end goal. 
 
Junior high students need to be able to learn and practice the following behaviors on the road to independence:
 
  • Become proficient at self-care and simple household tasks: Allow your child to select two new tasks to master each year starting at age 8. (Laundry, cooking, cleaning and animal care are good places to start). Follow this teaching model: 1) Parent demonstrates; 2) Parent and child do task together; 3) Child does task alone. Caution: Resist the urge to re-make lumpy beds and re-fold laundry –  they will improve with practice!
     
  • Make a choice and  anticipate the consequences: As you make your own decisions, talk aloud so your child can hear your thought process. Allow your child to work through forgetting a homework assignment, a jacket or a lunch. Disappointing the teacher, being a little cold or feeling hungry are logical life lessons that will motivate your child to behave differently. Process with them and brainstorm solutions to make a different choice together.

  • Develop problem solving skills: When your child brings a situation to you, ask, “What do you want to do about that?” –  and WAIT for their ideas. You can role play talking to the teacher about missed homework or confronting a gossiping friend. Help them to outline the pros and cons of various approaches. 

  • Develop a set of recovery skills for setbacks: Everyone experiences failure or a setback. It’s very important to help your child to look at the issue honestly, make a plan to move forward, and see the setback as “I can't do that YET.”

  • Develop their own system of organization: Each of us has developed our own strategy for keeping track of our things and responsibilities, and we are all different. Suggest multiple approaches, but insist that your child choose one to use. Whiteboard calendars, planners, reminders in their phone and written lists all are good, but consistency is the key.

  • Learn to manage their time: Teach estimation of time to complete tasks. Use a phone or household timer and ask how long they think it will take to clean up the kitchen or finish a science worksheet. Time the task and discuss the discrepancies. Then, teach working backward: if I need to leave the house at 7 a.m., and I have to get dressed, clean up my room, eat breakfast and feed the cat, I need to get up at 5:45 a.m.
 
Developing independence needs to be intentionally taught with lots of encouragement through the tween and teen years, but if you persevere, you will likely launch a competent and confident  young adult into the “real world.”  

Holy Trinity Episcopal Academy

Ranked #1 Best Private K-12 School in Brevard County

Schoolwide Phone: 321-723-8323
Fax - Lower School: 321-723-2553
Fax - Upper School: 321-241-6422
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